Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
