Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
