I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
