So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
