I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
