He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
