If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I will pee on everything he values.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
