Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
