i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
