How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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