We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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