I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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