Jerry, you need to find god
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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