Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize