capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
