how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
