he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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