I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
