For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
