so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
