Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
