OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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