I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
