lets start a swedish sibling band together
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize