nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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