Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
