every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
