i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
