I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
