I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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