I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
