adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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