I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
