Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
