I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
