That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
