Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
