I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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