Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I did not marry a roomba.
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