I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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