I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
