I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
