Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
