His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
