It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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