I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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