i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
this is an emotional support booty call
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
