don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
