separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
