I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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