Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
