im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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