it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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