I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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