6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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