I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
