The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
