Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
