One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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