let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so let's talk penis.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
