I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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