oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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