How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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