My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
