so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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