my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
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He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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