I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
