omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
