hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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