Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
