I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
