i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
