i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
