awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
