i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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