Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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