U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
