Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
