i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
