When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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